Today I drove from home (MD) to school (MA), and enjoyed the drive throughout (what seemed like) a million states.  Rather than going my usual route, I chose to be adventurous and take 95N the whole way, and take a chance with NYC traffic.  Sure enough, it took me FOREVER to get through that state.  Also, for 30 miles of driving through that state, I paid a lousy $9.75 worth of tolls.  Lame-o.

By the time I graduate this spring, I will be DONE with this 8 hour road trip any time I want to go home.  It was nice while it lasted, I suppose, because I could drive myself.  But I'm ready to be done. 

These were the stops I made (or wanted to make):

Middletown DE:  getting gas, shopping at Kohl's

Newark, DE:  Eating lunch with Anne! 

Vince Lombardi rest area, NJ: getting gas again.  At this point, I'd already passed the NY Giants stadium, seen the Manhattan skyline, and therefore thought I was in NY already.  Fortunately, I wasn't, and could still buy cheap gas (and have them pump it for me).

Exit 24, CT:  I wish I could've stopped to take a picture of the billboard for "SUPER DUPER WEENIE" hot dog stand.

then I made it back to school. (I'm tired, hence the non-sentence)

The following photo and the name of the shoes made me think of Natalie.  :)  She's just about the only one I know that uses or would use the word "swanky", and her alter-ego rapper name is "White Chocolate" (these shoes were brown, though).

 

The enemy has been defeated
And death couldn't hold You down
We're gonna lift our voice in victory
We're gonna make Your praises loud

Shout unto God with a voice of triumph
Shout unto God with a voice of praise
Shout unto God with a voice of triumph
We lift Your name up
We lift Your name up

Despite my questions, despite my struggles, despite suffering, despite discouragement, despite death, Christ has already defeated all. Just as I learned this summer, and continue to learn each and every day, Christ is my only certainty in life, as well as for after death. Christ is King over all creation, and should be first in my life also.

I was watching an episode of Fringe tonight, and then decided that it was far too serious for my mood right now. So then I found a Paul Wright song to listen to, but that dealt with suicide. Perhaps this seems more jarring to me because I had been having a "calm" time, a wonderful time, things were looking up, in a sense.

Tomorrow is Mrs Quimby's funeral. For many of us that knew her, we thought that she was going to make it through her injuries and fight her way out. We offered so many prayers on her behalf and thought of her so much during her last week on earth. Yet she did not make it. I have not thought so much about the question of "Why do bad things happen to good people?" as much as...well, I'm not sure how to word this. It seems ridiculously unfair to say that an amazing teacher and woman would not go to heaven to be with God. (I disagree with the statement that she is now one of God's angels -- I don't believe we are made into angels when we die. Following that logic, it would appear that Hitler would have become a demon, I suppose.) Yet if we truly got what we deserve for the times we do not do what is Christ-like, then we'd all be up a creek without a paddle (is that how the saying goes?) -- who knows in what shape we'd be.

I don't know if Mrs Quimby was a Christian, a follower of Christ, in a relationship with Jesus. I don't claim to know the answer to that question -- but the bottom line is that I just don't know.

What can be done? I want my friends to be with God once their time on earth is done. Being with God, experiencing His love and sharing that with others is one of the best things ever....at the same time though, it is very demanding, GOD is demanding in that I have to put God before all else in my life, and seek God's glory above my own, and learn to see others through Christ's eyes.

Recently we've been talking about how God is love, yes, but yet God demands ALL of us. It's not just a "feel-good" gospel about how much God loves and sent His Son Jesus Christ, but that once we accept the gift of forever living with God, we must live like Christ. A high calling, indeed, but God gives us everything we need -- in the form of the Holy Spirit to shape us in Christ's image.

"He commands even the winds and the water, and they obey him." (Luke 8: 25)

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death
Your perfect love is casting out fear
And even when I’m caught in the middle of the storms of this life
I won’t turn back, I know You are near

And I will fear no evil
For my God is with me
And if my God is with me Whom then shall I fear?
Whom then shall I fear?

Chorus:
Oh no, You never let go Through the calm and through the storm
Oh no, You never let go
In every high and every low
Oh no, You never let go
Lord, You never let go of me

And I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on
A glorious light beyond all compare
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
We’ll live to know You here on the earth

This week is the last week of my junior year, and it brings many more goodbyes than in years past. I've been thinking a lot lately of how this year, this week, I will need to say goodbye to two of my professors (who are both of my advisors) as well as a number of my friends that are seniors.

Since December or so, I have tutored two middle school students. One is a space cadet, and the other can work fairly well on his own, but has a rough living situation. Really, I think that I have learned a little from them, and I hope that they of course have learned from me. Not only have I learned some more about teaching math, I have learned about students in general. No matter a child's living situation, no matter the circumstances, a child is still a child. A teen is still a teen. They have friends, interests, a family, and just aren't grown up yet. I can't expect them to think the way I do about math, or understand things right away. I trust that these two students have changed for the better after my work with them. I trust that Christ will be evident in me, and that everything will be for God's glory.

A family that I am very close to is moving very far away this summer, and who knows when I will see them again. They have been influential in my life both academically and personally. Through leadership in quizzing, I have learned skills often through "trial by fire", with little preparation. I have been able to share my organizational skills, as well as to encourage the youth when it seems like there is so much pressure. In classes, I have been challenged to work harder, because of knowing the professors outside of class. They have been willing to help me understand the material when it just isn't clicking or is completely over my head. Often I have been amused by observing their quirks as a family, especially that they both say "Ack!", and just who they are as people, as friends. I will definitely miss their 7 year old daughter, who loves American Girl, who is a lot of fun to be around. As we drew and wrote and played hangman on Sunday night, I thought about how that would be one of the last bits of quality time we would have together. I babysat her last fall, and we played in the sprinkler with the missionary kids, and I learned that I should be more careful about movie ratings and younger children, and how much activity and interaction with other kids is too much, and we went to the playground and the beach.

My friends that are seniors have been here the entire time I've been here, unlike the freshmen and sophomores that have come partway through my time at ENC. I don't know when I'll see many of them again, but there is always Homecoming, or Facebook, or visiting them in the area.

Everyone has to say goodbyes at some point: to people, to ideas, to dreams. We have pretty much said goodbye to the idea of gas for under $3, as troublesome as that is. We say goodbye to people as they move out of our lives, never to be seen again or rarely to be seen again. We say goodbye to dreams as new ones appear, as old ones are dashed, as old ones morph into new ones. Through it all, God is faithful and has a plan for our lives. God's plan brings together many elements, in a way that is beneficial to all, and in a way that is what God has in mind for creation.

Departures and separations are often no fun at all. But I hope that God uses changes in my life to help me grow, and to allow Him to work in my life and make me the woman He has called me to be.